Top 10 Fish of 2019 (In No Particular Order) (Constantly Updated)

Have you ever wondered about the meaningless existence of your own kind?

Well, too bad.

Here are some of the best fish that have ever swam this miserable planet (according to scientists who also happen to be fish enthusiasts).

Armored Searobin

So this moist friend looks constantly anxious and scared but is actually the chillest of all.

Why?

Because it chooses to reside in the warmest and dampest of regions and it also has very fun dangly barbels on its cute and soggy chin.

Tuna Fish

This scrumptious fish is often classified as a fan-favorite. Tuna fish famously resides in sandwiches and salads. Occasionally in sushi rolls, too.

Fun tuna fact: It never stops swimming! Even in sleep! Even in death.

Queen Triggerfish

Also known as old wife. Literally the queen of all fish. Contrary to popular belief, it is not easily triggered.

Status: Married

Age: Old

Sand Dab

The ultimate liberal leftist. Both of its eyes are on the left side of the head. How much more left could you be?

Thrives when left alone.

Known triggers: Chlamydia, dabbing, and sand

False Cleanerfish

Not the real cleanerfish but it tries really hard. The only thing that sets these two apart is the bloody wreckage False Cleanerfish leaves behind.

Hobbies: Biting off the fins of its customers

Razorback Sucker

This fish has a dank edgy bulge on its back therefore giving it the nickname humpback sucker. Which only emphasizes the fact that it sucks.

Bicolor Goatfish

Perpetually confused about its species. Is it a goat…or a fish? Scientists haven’t decided yet but recent studies show that it lives in water.

Favorite book: 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

Bitterling

Small and bitter. Wholeheartedly hates the Sand Dab. Constantly complains about overpopulation and music.

Likes: The idea of newspapers, mushy foods, brown

Peter’s Elephantnose Fish

Peter had a beautiful fish. Nose long as a schlong, tail frail as a snail. It swam away. Peter has been looking for it for a week now. Have you seen this fish?

Barramundi

Very proud of his heritage. 71% Mongolian, 20% Italian, and 9% unknown.

Is very interested in spiritual practices, is a part-time aboriginal shaman. Believes that all humans will eventually be turned into batteries.

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